Totally Cracked Up
by Shreek
Summary: New chapter up! More cracked pairings!
1. Ahn Unexpected Ending

**Ahn Unexpected Ending**

**To an Eventful Night**

"Shhhh!" Some of the girls giggled drunkenly at each other, while others' whispered seductively and let their hands wander unremitting over torsos and legs, as they stumbled through the darkened forest. It close to five on a Sunday morning and the ten girls were just sneaking back into their school after spending the night at the hottest new club in Windbloom. At around ten-thirty Saturday night they had snuck out of the school grounds to have some fun. And fun they had. They had deserved it after all their hard work, both in their studies and their escape.

It had taken weeks to plan it all. It wasn't exactly a stroll in the park to sneak in and out of Garderobe Academy. The place was a fortress in itself. The security system that was set up was the best in the world. Security codes and proper GEM verification were needed to get out in and out of the buildings after nine every night and before five-forty in the morning. There were also cameras, inside and out, and motion detector lights to get past. Getting past that security system was one thing, but then there was the actual physical endurance needed to traverse the acres of woods that surrounded the school and, of course, the fifteen foot high walls to climb over before they could even step outside the school. Once outside they again had to deal with security cameras.

Then after all that they had to do it all over on their return to the school. But they had a plan. These oh-so-clever Pearl students had brought along a designated infiltration-ist. Her name was Ahn Lu and she was a Coral. They had chosen Ahn for four very important reasons. The first was that she was that she already showed a tendency towards sneaking out. Secondly, she was the top Coral and therefore possessed the brains to do what needed to be done. Thirdly, she was tall and athletic, which she would need to get nine drunks over a fifteen foot high wall. And last, but by all means not the least, she was almost completely flat-chested (well, she was back then), meaning the Pearls wouldn't feel threatened by her at the night club.

Despite the early hour the sky had started to lighten, if only barely, as they crossed out of the woods and behind the mausoleum. The next leg of the journey was down the hill and through a second storey classroom window. And it was at this part of their infiltration that they realized their grave error. The proper GEM verification for the doors changed from just faculty to include the entire student Body at five-forty in the morning so the students could be outside to do six o'clock morning clean-up before breakfast. Because of this the Pearls had calculated that one of the teachers would get up at five-thirty to activate the change. And it was common knowledge that the last "Guard" shift ending at five. Because of this they assumed that there would be a half-hour window of opportunity to get back into the buildings. They were wrong. Just as the sixth Pearl rolled through the window, she happened to glance out the widow to her right and spotted a familiar figure in the distance.

Miss Maria was awake, and heading in their direction.

Frantically she signaled the others and they hastened to get everyone safe inside. The girls already inside doing their best to drag their friends up and Ahn on the ground trying to give them the best boost up the wall. Miss Maria drew closer, heading towards the mausoleum, though she had not yet seen them hiding around the corner of the classroom buildings.

Ahn ducked down behind the bushes after boosting her ninth Big Sister up the wall. She wasn't going to have enough time to scramble up herself. In fact, it looked like her Big Sister wasn't going to even have enough time to get pulled in. And if Miss Maria saw her dangling out the window, drunker than a skunk, well Ahn was so _sure_ that they'd all get expelled, her included. It was then that Ahn made a decision. Probably it was one of the worst decisions she'd ever made. Though in her defense she was not to know, at the time, that Garderobe had dealt with its fair share of drunken students, and none of them had ever been expelled.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she formed what she hoped was a sexy-and-amused facial expression and stepped out of the bush and away from the buildings corner to greet Miss Maria. The fierce frown on the old harridan's face could've made a full grown soldier weep in fear, but Ahn was an Otome, the top Coral to be exact, she was trained to take these things in stride.

"Beautiful morning isn't it?" Ahn drawled out. She needed only a few moments more for her Big Sister to get inside.

"Indeed, Miss Lu. Though perhaps you can explain to me what whim made you rise so early and sneak out of the dormitories-,"

Ahn opened her mouth to respond but as cut off.

"-when you arrive at my office at 8am to receive your punishment." It wasn't a request. "Good day to you." And with that Miss Maria began to walk around Ahn, and continue on her way to the mausoleum. From the corner of Ahn's eye she could see two legs still hanging out of the window. Grabbing Miss Maria's arm as she whirled her around and smacked her lips against the older woman's. The legs disappeared and Ahn let go.

"Good day to you too." She chirped over-brightly.

Something fiery and passionate sparked to life in the depths of Maria's usually cold, blue eyes.

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[Eight Hours Later]:

Ahn groaned as she arched her back, exhausted. Her entire body ached. And she was covered head to toe with sweat. Her irregular breathing eventually slowed. She glanced down at the woman beneath her. There was definitely a glow of satisfaction around her. And if Ahn looked carefully she would swear that there was an ever so slight smirk to Miss Maria's mouth. With another groan Ahn sat up again and began again with the stroking action. Up and down, up and down her scrubbing brush went.

Ahn sat up nearly thirty feet in the air above Miss Maria, scrubbing the walls of the mausoleum. All. By. Herself. This sacrifice wasn't worth it; her Big Sisters had gotten caught by the teacher awake to the change over the security-alarm settings. They were off scrubbing floors somewhere. Stiffening her spine with resolve Ahn promised herself she would survive this with her head help high. A smirk worked its way onto her face as she once again glanced down at Miss Maria.

This seemed to be the beginnings of a beautiful rivalry.

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**YAYS!!! I'm done!!!**

**Okay so this is my first attempt at Mai HiME/ Otome. **

**So I was reading 49's "Crack Pairings" and gave some suggestions to some crack pairings I'd like to see, but then decided I wouldn't mind writing some myself.**

**So please, R&R, and I'll see about writing up my other pairs =P.**

**Shreek.**


	2. Are These Flowers Fumi?

**Are These Flowers **

**Fumi (for me)?**

Haruka Suzushiro was not a person you wanted to annoy. She was head of the Executive Committee. She had a strict code of conduct. And was usually loud and intimidating. The only problem was there were some tiny mundane things, which most people would think nothing of, which could send her into a rage.

Luckily for you, you were long gone (without a trace) before Haruka found the flowers. The dozens and dozens and dozens of flowers that now decorated the hallways of Fuka Academy, for apparently no reason. Tearing down a bunch of them Haruka headed off to make her complaint. Unfortunately for her, the entire Student Body Council was absent (Fujino and Kanzaki were in meetings with school sponsors and Haruka's Yukino was away on a field trip). Without her usual crew to rant to she decided to take it up with the Principle herself.

Students fled out of the way as a steaming Haruka passed them. All of them breathing in relief that _they_ were not in trouble.

She marched passed all the academic buildings into unknown territory. Haruka had never had any reason to visit the school's Principle and was a little unsure where she was going. She knew of course the vague direction that the mansion was in from glancing at academy maps over the years. What she wasn't expecting to find on the other side of the woods* was an extensive garden. Momentarily speechless, she paused a moment in her rush. The area was beautiful. She wondered who took care of it and whether the old principle (because the new principle couldn't possibly have had enough time to have had it added) had it put in or whether it was passed down from someone else.

Shaking off her wandering thoughts, Haruka tried to remember why she was here. _Oh, right! The flowers._ The ones that were littered everywhere, making it impossible to move without getting pollen up your nose. And with that she was off again. If she could get permission to track down the Flower Litterer she could serve some serious justice. _Who do they think they ARE anyway? And who do they think they're dealing with? HA! I'll show them what happens when they mess with the health and safety of the student body-_

_*WHAM!*_

Haruka's head hurt and her vision blurred. She blinked, her vision was still blurry, but there was something green-grey right in front of her eyes. And something warm on her lips. And come to think of it, she appeared to be lying on her stomach, but not on the ground. She was on something soft, especially soft where her right-hand was. She blinked again and for an instant the green-grey thing disappeared for a second afterwards as well. She pulled herself partially away from it and looked beneath her.

It took her a moment for everything to click in her mind but when it did it sent her reeling back.

"I'm soooo sorry…I didn't mean…I… It's not like…please don't think…" By now her face was completely red and she was frantically waving the flowers.

Fumi blinked, "Are these flowers for me?"

"Huh?"

"Because I must tell you," Fumi continued kindly, "that it is not a good idea Miss Suzushiro. For one, I _am_ your principle now and there's our age difference to consider, especially with you not yet being of a legal age and various other things as well . I am, though, very flattered." She finished with a gentle smile.

[At the end of the school day]:

When Yukino entered the Executive Committee room at the end of the day she was very surprised to see a very silent, very still, and very pale Haruka sitting behind the desk with an extremely desperate looking bouquet of flowers beside her.

"Haruka? What's wrong?!"

Haruka slowly looked up at her dear friend. Her mouth opening and closing, in the perfect fish imitation. _How on earth could she explain to Yukino that she'd kissed and groped their Principle???!!!_

**YAYS!!! Another one done!!!**

**Okay so this is set after the carnival (and after Mashiro and Nagi went back through that door) but before Haruka graduates.**

**Please review!!! **

**Pairing suggestions are always welcome!!!**

***From what I've been able to gather from watching the anime is that there is the school, then some woods, then the garden and Mashiro's Mansion in a large-ish clearing to the right of the school.**


End file.
